Fostering A Family By Heart

Why We Buy 'Cool' School Supplies

There are very few times my kids get 'spoiled'. They don't get candy, cookies, or pop except on special occasions. They get toys on their birthdays and holidays (and that's it). We buy clothes and bedroom décor from thrift shops. But when it comes to school supplies, we splurge a little. My kids do have the cartoon backpacks, the stylish pens, the multi-colored highlighters, and the metal insulated sport water bottles. Why?

It's not a stature thing. I don't want my kids to be "the cool kids". And my kids are avidly nagged to -share- a majority of their items with kids who don't have them. But each year, we spend a big day going out to a few different department stores picking out all of the notebooks and pencils we want to use during the upcoming school year. And here's why...

It Gets My Kids Excited About School
First and foremost, having brand new personalized school supplies gets my kiddos excited about learning. They have folders with their favorite SpongeBob character on the front (and they can't wait to put some homework in that folder). They have gel pens, which makes taking notes so much more colorful and exciting. And they have backpacks that they legitimately want to take care of (no they are not going to throw their special Spiderman bag in the mud, or leave it on the bus).

It Motivates Them To Stay Organized
As a momma with ADHD, I unfortunately understand the struggle to stay organized. And I'm a pretty awful example myself. I have lists upon lists sitting around my house (and most of the time, those lists get lost half-way upon completion). With that being said, not all of my kiddos have ADHD- and some are naturally organized. And all of my kids, whether or not they struggle with organization, become a bit more motivated to stay on task when they're using supplies that they actually want to keep in good condition.

My Foster Kiddos Haven't Always Had 'Nice' Stuff (And They Deserve It)
We have birth kiddos and foster kiddos and they're all treated and loved equally. My birth children have had the privilege of having nice new school supplies every year, but not all of my foster children have. My foster kids do get a bit of special treatment during our school supplies shopping, because I do find it especially important that they know they're worth a nice new set of school supplies. Especially if they are going into a new school, having school supplies their proud of really can be a small, but much needed, confidence boost.

We Still Have A Budget
My children, by no means, are supporting designer messenger bags and $20 personalized pens. No, absolutely not. But they do have the right to choose the slightly more expensive 'designed' notebook that fits their personal style and interests. They know we have a budget and they are aware that we are not rich. In fact, they go into our school supplies spending spree knowing exactly how much cash mom has to buy everything. And we take it as a family responsibility to stay within budget.

9 Daily Habits of A Calm Mom

I’m going to let you in on a secret- I’m a stressor. I become stricken with anxiety at least once a week. I worry about things that need to get done, or haven’t gotten done and needed to be done (yesterday). I continually have to make an effort not to freak out. But ever since I became a mom, I’ve been dedicated to setting a calm, patient example for my kids. And here are a few small daily habits, I’ve learned, definitely help me achieve the ‘mom zen’ that I want to have.

Eat Breakfast
I used to skip breakfast and opt for coffee instead. Coffee was great at waking me up in the morning, but I would crash around noon. After my first pregnancy, where I completely eliminated coffee, I began eating a hearty breakfast instead. No pastries or sugary cereal. I opt for healthy filling options. Eggs, turkey sausage, whole grain toast, oatmeal, yogurt and fruit. There are a lot of great healthy options out there, and I change it up frequently. A filling start gives me energy and gets me through the rest of the day.

Eat Healthy
I feel like crap when I treat my body like crap. Sugars and fats make me bloated, they make my skin feel gross, and overall I just don’t feel good. But when I eat healthy, I have energy. My body just genuinely feels better. And when my body feels better- so does my mind. It’s a lot easier to be in a good mood when I feel healthy, and eating healthy is a must for that.

Declutter And Clean
I’m very unorganized. It’s something my husband almost constantly has to nag me about. So I’ve made a sincere effort to take at least an hour a day to clean. I’ll choose a room or a task and just focus on it. 1 hour a day, goes a long way. I stay on top of basic chores and try to declutter at least one space a week- whether it’s the kitchen counter or the bedroom closet.

Breathe Deeply
Deep breaths actually work. I teach my children to take deep breaths to calm down, and I’ve had to teach myself to do the same thing. When you’re exhausted from being a parent and your emotions are running high, it’s very easy to overreact. Take a deep breath. Think before you speak. Breathe before you act. Just one deep breath can go such a long way.

Stretch
I’m not super flexible and quite frankly I suck at yoga. But I try to stretch each day. Something about just keeping my body aligned and flexible helps my mood. After carrying around kids and bending over to pick up countless messes throughout the day, sometimes a good stretch can instantly put me in a better mood.

Pamper Yourself During Bath Time
Bath time is –my- time. I’m talking bubbles, candles, music, and soft bath towels. I have about 30 minutes before the hubby asks for my help with something, but ahhh- do I soak up those 30 minutes of pure bath time bliss. Maybe you’re not a bath person, but you can still find a way to treat yourself. Watch your favorite show for an hour each night. Read a good book before bed. Go and get your nails done. Do something for you, regularly.

Pay Attention To Smells
With dogs and cats and kids- a house can get smelly. I often get so caught up in everything that I don’t notice if the trash smells or the toilet hasn’t been flushed by the 4 year old for… an hour. But smells matter. Pay attention to the aroma of your home. I’m a lover of candles, essential oils, and anything that makes my home smell better. A good smelling home, just feels like a cleaner home. And a cleaner home makes for a calmer family.

Let In The Sunlight
We do open windows in this house. Pull back the curtains, let in the light. I absolutely hate blinds and even on rainy days our windows are wide open. It boosts everyone’s mood and energy. We all need that much needed vitamin D from the shine outside and open windows, I promise, will help out everyone in the house.

Get Outside Every Day
I always thought it was really important my children spend time outside Every. Single. Day. But when I began getting outside for them an hour a day as well, I noticed how much better I felt. Even if I’m just sitting on a bench reading while they play at the park- the fresh air, the sounds, and the sun all seem to make me a much calmer mom.A

Spring Cleaning: Clothing Clean-Out

Kids grow. There are very few times where your kid is going to fit in the same item of clothing they wore frequently a year prior. That’s why every spring (and fall) we usually do a huge ‘Clothing Clean-Out’, where we dig through closets, dressers, hampers, baskets, and the far corners of the laundry room where we never dared trek before. Then go through our 8 step process to getting rid of everything we really don’t need to store any longer.

Is it stained, torn, fraying, or damaged in some way?
Kids wear clothes out. If the item in your hand is irreparably damaged (or you don’t plan on repairing it), it’s time to toss it. Check over every item for bad stains, holes, fraying (especially in the bottoms of pants), and loose seams.

Does it have it’s matching set?
Some items, like socks, shoes, mittens, and gloves require two items in order to be worn. Your kiddo can’t wear one glove to school. If you can’t find the matching pair to a certain item, it’s probably time to throw the lone one left, away.

Can they fit it?
If that pair of pants you’re holding look more like capris when your child puts them on, it’s probably time to get rid of them. If your child can grow into the item, hold onto it. But anything they’re too big for has no use being held onto any longer. They’re not going to get any smaller, are they?

Do they wear it?
You know that suit your son wore 3 months ago to your cousin’s wedding when he was the ring bearer? It’s adorable, isn’t it? But is he truly ever going to wear that suit again? If he hasn’t worn it in three months and you don’t foresee another occasion to put it on in the near future- it’s time to store it or donate it. This also goes for other dress clothes, specialty wear (like sports uniforms, recital outfits, and clothes that only get worn on vacation).

Do they like it?
We as parents have a wonderful habit of buying clothes –we- like for our children. But if our kids don’t like it, and hence don’t wear it, it’s only cluttering up space in their closet drawer. Whether the tag is too itchy, your kid doesn’t like the color, or the style just doesn’t fit their “I’m only wearing pink now” phase, it’s best to kick that clutter to the curb.

Can it be passed down to a younger child?
Before you totally get rid of any wearable item, consider your younger kiddos. Can the item you have be passed onto them? Clothing for very young kids (children newborn to 1 year) typically only gets worn a couple of times before your baby outgrows it. If the item is still in great shape, it may be worth holding on to.

Will that child wear it?
But before you decide to hang onto items your older kids have outgrown you need to do a quick reality check with yourself. Will the child you’re saving this item for, actually wear it? Your older child may be tall and thin, where as your younger kid is a bit rounder around the midsection. Are all of the items from your older kiddo going to appropriately fit your younger kid? If not, they probably won’t actually end up wearing their older siblings clothing.

Does that child like it?
If your kid is old enough to decide for themselves about clothing, get their opinion on an item before you pass it along to them. Do they like the item? Are they actually going to want to wear it? If they seem genuinely excited about the item, great- give it to them. If not, maybe it’s best not to have it still taking up space, just in a new and different area.

Clearing Out Clutter: The ‘Do You Use It’ Toy Challenge

If you’re like me you believe play is a huge part of a child’s ability to grow, learn, and prosper. So we have a lot of toys. It’s hard for me, as a mom who thinks everything holds sentimental value, to purge out the toy box from time to time. But every year my family does a ‘Do You Use It’ Toy Challenge- where we attempt to get rid of everything that isn’t being played with.

Let child choose which toys they’d like to get rid of.
First things first, I let my child decide what toys they want to get rid of. As kids grow they often go through a ‘this is for babies’ phase- where specific toys just aren’t worth keeping any more. We donate our toys to families in need through religious foundations, orphanage / foster care donations, and family shelters. My children are always made aware of the fact that their toys will be going to kids who will love and treasure them.

Throw out all broken / worn toys.
Don’t save that toy that you think you’ll fix someday. Don’t save the doll who’s had her left arm missing for at least 3 months now (and we’re fairly sure it’s never going to be found). Toys that are too dirty to ever be clean again, missing parts, or are somehow broken are probably ready to be put in the trash.

Keep all sentimental toys.
Yes- it is totally fine to keep sentimental toys. But be realistic about what ‘sentimental’ actually is. A toy that your child slept with for most of their childhood? Yes- that’s sentimental. But a race car that they trucked through the mud for one summer probably isn’t going to hold a ton of value compared to the 10 other race cars that they also played with.

Place all toys in bins outside of child’s room.
Once you’ve gone through all of the toys, place every single toy you’ve kept in a bin outside of the child’s room. Yes- every toy (except the sentimental ones that you are absolutely sure you want to keep).

As child uses toys they remove them from the bin and place them back where they keep them.
Explain to your child that they can take any toy they want from the bin if they are going to play with it. Then, if they play with that toy- they can put it back where it’s supposed to be stored in their room when they are finished. Then; let them play.

After three weeks all unused toys can be donated.
Once three weeks have gone by you will be able to look into the bin and see all of the toys your child has chosen not to touch. Some toys you may know your child will want to play with in the future- those can be taken out. Some toys may also be better suited for a sibling- those toys can also be taken out. Everything left in the bin can be donated, as it isn’t being used.

Tips For Running Your Own Business As A Stay At Home Mom

I am blessed to be able to stay home with my children and work from the comfort of my living room… or kitchen… or bedroom. But sometimes staying home with the kiddos AND working can become immensely overwhelming. I still struggle with time management, and the best way to get better is simply to practice effectively. So here are a few of my best tips (through trial and error) for the moms who work from home.

HAVE A SEPARATE PRIVATE WORK SPACE
One thing I struggle with is constantly catering to the kids. I am lucky to have an entire spare bedroom that I use as my office and work space. There is a child gate near the door that keeps the little ones out. The bedroom overlooks the living room where my kiddos can safely play while I work. Even just having a child gate zoning off a small portion of your kitchen where you can sit and work really does help eliminate distractors and allow you to focus. If you have a specific place where you always work, you’ll be more organized and more inclined to actually focus on work when you’re in that place.

MAKE A SCHEDULE AND STICK TO IT
Schedules mean everything for stay at home moms. We all have hectic lives. Between school, extra curriculars, medical appointments, and day-to-day fun stuff it can be really hard to actually make time to sit down and work. That’s why having a schedule is so important. Have specific times set aside throughout your day for certain tasks. Then DO those tasks during that time. Time to work. Time to clean. Time specifically to meet the children’s needs.

WORK WHILE THEY SLEEP
When the kids are asleep the house is at peace… sometimes. But quiet can help anyone focus. Wake up an hour early to check emails, update social media, or make phone calls. And stay up an hour or two after the kids have fallen asleep to work on finishing projects and interacting with customers. Those few hours when your children are in bed are completely absent of distractions and a great time to focus on activities that require a lot of attention.

HAVE PRE-PLANNED ACTIVITES FOR INDEPDENDANT PLAY
Each Sunday I sit down and get together 2 activities each day that I can give my kids to keep them independently entertained. I’m not a huge fan of TV and try to avoid movies (although they are a great way to keep the kids still for a minute). I’ll print out coloring pages, get craft kits and science kits together, look up fun recipes they can do on their own, and even buy small toys, games, and books. Then, when they are “bored” and I desperately need a minute to finish something- I can give them a quick activity and have a moment to focus on my business.

SIGN THE KIDS UP FOR OUT-OF-THE-HOUSE ACTIVITIES
Sports, clubs, classes, and volunteering opportunities are all great ways to keep your kids constructively entertained AND give you time to work. Let your children choose activities that they personally are passionate about or interested in learning. Then sign em’ up. It’s a win win for everyone involved. Your kids get to do something they enjoy- and you get an hour or two to focus on your business.

LET THE KIDDOS HELP
I allow my children to help with tasks depending on their age. And yep- I pay them too. They can earn money helping me, just like they would earning money for chores. Help is entirely optional, but if a child expresses interest in helping I don’t turn them down. My younger kids can help pack and put sticky labels on products and packages. My older kids can read through my emails and delete spam- or weigh packages and print shipping labels.

Why 'Because I Said So' Is Never A Good Answer

We’ve all said it. The famed ‘Because I said so’ response to our child asking ‘Well –why- can’t I do this thing?’. The truth is, sometimes parenting is exhausting. Sometimes all of the ‘why’s and ‘why not’s just get old and we don’t want to have to explain ourselves. Even I am to blame for occasionally throwing a snappy ‘Because I said so’ out there- but I always try to correct myself shortly after. And that’s because I’ve learned that ‘Because I said so’ is never the right response, and here’s why.

Kids deserve an explanation
Kids are likely asking permission for something because they genuinely want to do it. Most likely your child is not asking to do something simply to hear you say ‘no’. They’re hoping you say ‘yes’ (and they may even actually be surprised that you’ve said ‘no’.) Just as with adults, children deserve an explanation. You wouldn’t simply want to hear ‘no’ when you ask for something with no reasoning behind it. Children often can’t reason for themselves. They are incapable of looking at all of the options and figuring out –why- you’ve said no. Explaining it to them, helps them understand.

Kids deserve age-appropriate honesty
I avidly believe in being honest with your children. No matter their age, there is an appropriate way to be honest. If you’ve refused your child a cookie before dinner time, explain to them that they should try to fill up their stomach with healthy food before indulging in snacks. If you won’t let your child go to the park after it’s dark out, explain that it’s unsafe for them to be out after a certain time and that’s why they only go when it’s light out. If you are saying ‘no’, you should have a reason. Even if the reason is simply, ‘I don’t have time to drive you to your friend’s house right now- I’m busy.’.

It forces you to evaluate your reasoning
Explaining yourself forces you to truly look at the reason you’re saying ‘no’. Are you saying ‘no’ because –you- don’t want to do what your child is asking? Are you saying ‘no’ purely because you are in the habit (or the mood) of doing so? Sometimes, it’s fine to say yes. Does your child want to mix two different cereals together for breakfast? Is it really that big of a deal if they do? Is your child asking for something reasonable? Then perhaps, it’s actually okay, to say ‘yes’.

Understanding enforces compliance
If your child can understand why you’re saying no, they’re more inclined to listen to you. They know the reason behind your answer, which will make them less likely to be defiant. The general public follows rules and guidelines, because they are made aware of the reasoning behind those guidelines. We no longer accept smoking in many public areas, because we realize the health risks behind second hand smoke. Children should also learn that by understanding the reason for rules, we have a reason to follow them.

You wouldn’t accept ‘Because I said so’ as a fair answer either
If you asked your boss for a raise and they simply said ‘no’, and why you asked for an explanation they said ‘because I said so’, you would not be very happy either. It’s an unfair answer. And sometimes we forget that our little humans also expect fairness. If we want our children to grow up to be successful adults, we should begin treating them like successful adults at a young age- and one way to do that, is to respect the fact that they deserve answers too.

Rather than saying ‘Because I said so’, you can say ‘I already explained why.’
If your child continues to ask ‘why’ (as children often do), you now have a much better response. You can simply say ‘I’ve already explained why.’. It’s a quick way to end the conversation. Your child deserves an explanation, but they don’t always deserve your attention if they continue to nag. By explaining ‘why’ the first time, you’ve allowed yourself some wiggle room to let them accept the answer and move onto a different activity.

December Foster Care Budget

GROCERIES (these are groceries I've purchased specifically for the kids- not myself, or family meals in general. These only account for additional purchases made solely for the children) :
Breakfast Cereal: $10
Oatmeal: $10
Cheese, Meat, and Crackers For School Lunches: $20
Sandwich Supplies For School Lunches: $20
Fruit and Veggies For School Lunches: $20
Christmas Cookie Decorating Kit: $15
Popcorn: $20
Candy Canes: $10
Special Meals They Picked Out For The Holidays: $45
TOTAL: $170

HYGIENE PRODUCTS
Tissue For Classrooms: $30
TOTAL: $30

GAS/TRANSPORTATION
School/ Court Meetings/ Family Visitations: $60
TOTAL: $60

SCHOOL SUPPLIES
School Holiday Party Treats: $25
TOTAL: $25

CLOTHING
Snow Pants: $50
Winter Boots: $50
Dress Shoes: $20
School Concert Clothing: $30
TOTAL: $150

EXTRAS
Movies/ DVDs (including rentals): $20
Books: $15
Holiday Gifts: $500
Personalized Stockings: $15
TOTAL: $550

GRAND TOTAL: $985

NOTE: An important thing to keep in mind is that this 'budget' does not account for any extra groceries I buy for daily meals like dinner- which I would be cooking for myself anyways, I just make more now (which is probably another $200 to $250 total each month). It also doesn't cover any of the costs of bringing a new child into my home.

November Foster Care Budget

Groceries (these are groceries I've purchased specifically for the kids- not myself, or family meals in general. These only account for additional purchases made solely for the children) :
Breakfast Cereal: $10
Oatmeal: $10
Cheese, Meat, and Crackers For School Lunches: $20
Sandwich Supplies For School Lunches: $20
Fruit and Veggies For School Lunches: $20
Popcorn: $20
Fruit Leather: $20
Bulk Nuts: $35
TOTAL: $155

HYGIENE PRODUCTS
Feminine Products: $15
TOTAL: $15

GAS/TRANSPORTATION
School/ Court Meetings/ Family Visitations: $60
TOTAL: $60

SCHOOL SUPPLIES
Cheerleading Uniform: $20
Cheerleading Shoes: $15
TOTAL: $25

CLOTHING
Hair Ties: $5
TOTAL: $5

EXTRAS
Movies/ DVDs (including rentals): $20
Books: $15
One Direction Birthday Party Decor: $40
One Direction Birthday Cake: $10
Birthday Favors: $25
Birthday Gifts: $60
TOTAL: $170

GRAND TOTAL: $430

NOTE: An important thing to keep in mind is that this 'budget' does not account for any extra groceries I buy for daily meals like dinner- which I would be cooking for myself anyways, I just make more now (which is probably another $200 to $250 total each month). It also doesn't cover any of the costs of bringing a new child into my home.

October Foster Care Budget

GROCERIES (these are groceries I've purchased specifically for the kids- not myself, or family meals in general. These only account for additional purchases made solely for the children) :
Breakfast Cereal: $10
Waffle-Making Supplies (flour, sugar, etc): $10
Different Flavors of Syrup: $20
Cheese, Meat, and Crackers For School Lunches: $20
Sandwich Supplies For School Lunches: $20
Fruit and Veggies For School Lunches: $20
Dried Kiwi: $15
Trail Mix Snack Packs: $45
Halloween Candy: $25
TOTAL: $185

HYGIENE PRODUCTS
Bulk Handsoap: $15
Lotion: $5
Tooth Paste: $5
TOTAL: $25

GAS/TRANSPORTATION
School/ Court Meetings/ Family Visitations: $60
TOTAL: $60

SCHOOL SUPPLIES
Classroom Halloween Party Games: $15
Classroom Halloween Party Favors: $25
TOTAL: $40

CLOTHING
Halloween Costumes: $60
TOTAL: $60

EXTRAS
Movies/ DVDs (including rentals): $20
Books: $10
Halloween Treat Bags: $10
Halloween Night Safety Glow-Sticks: $10
Monster High Birthday Party Decor: $40
Monster High Birthday Cupcakes: $15
Birthday Favors: $25
Birthday Presents: $75
TOTAL: $205

GRAND TOTAL: $575

NOTE: An important thing to keep in mind is that this 'budget' does not account for any extra groceries I buy for daily meals like dinner- which I would be cooking for myself anyways, I just make more now (which is probably another $200 to $250 total each month). It also doesn't cover any of the costs of bringing a new child into my home.

September Foster Care Budget

August Foster Care Budget

Groceries (these are groceries I've purchased specifically for the kids- not myself, or family meals in general. These only account for additional purchases made solely for the children) :
Breakfast Cereal: $10
Oatmeal: $10
Waffle-Making Supplies (flour, sugar, etc): $10
Different Flavors of Syrup: $20
Cheese, Meat, and Crackers For School Lunches: $20
Sandwich Supplies For School Lunches: $20
Fruit and Veggies For School Lunches: $20
Cheez-Its: $10
Organic Fruit Snacks: $20
TOTAL: $140

HYGIENE PRODUCTS
Bulk Shampoo/Conditioner: $30
Cough Drops: $15
TOTAL: $45

GAS/TRANSPORTATION
School/ Court Meetings/ Family Visitations: $60
TOTAL: $60

SCHOOL SUPPLIES
Folders: $5
Notebooks: $5
Loose-Lief Paper: $5
Markers: $5
Crayons: $5
Colored Pencils: $5
Pencils: $5
Pens: $5
Locker Decorations: $10
Locker Lock: $15
Binders: $10
New Backpacks: $35
Lunch Boxes: $20
Calculator: $25
Highlighters: $5
TOTAL: $160

CLOTHING
(School Clothes)
New Shoes: $50
Shirts: $35
Pants: $60
Jackets/Coats: $75
Sweaters: $30
Socks: $20
Underwear: $20
Bras: $10
TOTAL: $300

EXTRAS
Movies/ DVDs (including rentals): $20
Books: $15
TOTAL: $35

GRAND TOTAL: $740

NOTE: An important thing to keep in mind is that this 'budget' does not account for any extra groceries I buy for daily meals like dinner- which I would be cooking for myself anyways, I just make more now (which is probably another $200 to $250 total each month). It also doesn't cover any of the costs of bringing a new child into my home.

Dawn's Story: Hungry Fawns Hoarding Food

I had two young children in my home who had always hoarded food. They'd been in and out of foster care nearly half of their lives and I knew that their food hoarding issues had probably originated somewhere. If a child is starved, it's natural for them to have the INSTINCTUAL reaction to keep as much food as they can when food is available. For the first few months these particular kids were with me they over-ate at every meal. Stuffed themselves sickeningly full. They had stomach aches from over-eating all the time. I had an 'open snack drawer' that would miraculously become empty in the middle of the night. Eventually I had to start serving them multiple smaller meals throughout the day- always keeping them full, but not letting them eat themselves sick. I also had to restock the snack drawer less-frequently. I wanted my children to know that food was always available and they would never go hungry in my home- but their eating was causing them physical-discomfort and I had to make some small changes to accommodate.

One day one of my kids became very upset that, once again, the snack drawer had not been restocked. Both of the kids became furious and begged and begged for more food. I obliged, but knew I had to talk to them. For some reason, I'd put off the conversation. I always thought if I simply told them 'there will always be food here', they'd start to believe it. They'd calm down. But that wasn't working. And I needed to know the root of their problems. So I asked them if they'd been hungry before. And I asked them other questions like "How long did you ever go without food?" "Was there not usually food in your house?". As the story went on I learned more and more.

They spoke of how when they were very young their birth mother used to lock them out of the house when she had men over. They were never allowed back in until the man and their mom were finished 'kissing'. Sometimes they were locked outside for just an hour or two. Sometimes they were locked outside all night. But they never had food or water. They never had anything. They would steal food from the store- mostly candy, because it was small and they could fit it in their pocket. They'd ask their friend's parents for snacks. They'd visit their grandmother- who was aware of the starvation (but didn't ever speak up) and would she fill them full and send them back home. They did everything they could to survive- at merely 5 and 6 years of age.

I'm sharing this particular story, because my kids had an issue- obviously. And SO many foster parents get upset about food hoarding because they don't understand it. They have food available! They never starve their foster child! Why would the kid hoard food? It doesn't make sense. And it won't make sense until you take the time to learn their past- and then it will ALL make sense. NEVER judge your foster child's behavior and blame it on yourself or the child. If your child bullies another kid- they could have been subject to abuse at home and think that that's how you're supposed to act when you get mad. If your foster child cusses, chances are that the people around them cussed and they have no idea that it's bad (or don't understand why it's bad). So before you get upset, or mad, because you don't understand your foster child's behavior- take a deep breath and realize that their problem is rooted somewhere far deeper than you probably know. Over time, both of my kiddos realized that food was always available in my home. They eventually quit hoarding, and overtime learned they didn't have to overeat. Food quit being a focus for them, and they actually turned out to be pretty picky eaters; which made me pretty happy. When they went from eating EVERYTHING, to deciding they won't eat anything they don't like, it meant they were no longer worrying about starving. They were kids again. And they became those kids again, because I understood where they were coming from, and that understanding gave me the patience to help them overcome their food issues and turn eating into a positive experience for them.

July Foster Care Budget

Groceries (these are groceries I've purchased specifically for the kids- not myself, or family meals in general. These only account for additional purchases made solely for the children) :
Breakfast Cereal: $10
Oatmeal: $10
Cheese, Meat, and Crackers For Lunches: $20
Sandwich Supplies For Lunches: $20
Fruit and Veggies For Lunches: $20
Veggie Chips: $15
Cheesy Popcorn: $15
Dried Fruit Mix: $25
TOTAL: $135

HYGIENE PRODUCTS
Bulk Body Wash: $30
TOTAL: $30

GAS/TRANSPORTATION
Court Meetings/ Family Visitations: $30
TOTAL: $30

SCHOOL SUPPLIES
-
TOTAL: $0

CLOTHING
Jackets for Summer Camp: $20
Knee-High Boots For Summer Camp: $30
Hats/Gloves For Summer Camp: $15
TOTAL: $65

EXTRAS
Movies/ DVDs (including rentals): $20
Books: $15
Sleeping Bags For Summer Camp: $50
Summer Camp Supplies (bug spray, shampoo, etc): $75
Summer Camp Admission Fees: $1,200 ($400 each child)
TOTAL: $1,365

GRAND TOTAL: $1,625

NOTE: An important thing to keep in mind is that this 'budget' does not account for any extra groceries I buy for daily meals like dinner- which I would be cooking for myself anyways, I just make more now (which is probably another $200 to $250 total each month). It also doesn't cover any of the costs of bringing a new child into my home.

A Poem To My Foster Children

You know what I think?
You're perfect. You're perfectly you.
You're perfect in every way,
in every little thing you do.

...

You're perfect in the way you smile,
and the way your cheeks squint your eyes.
You're perfect in the way you think.
You're philosophical and wise.

You're perfect in the way you laugh,
with a laughter that fills the room.
You're perfect in the way you walk,
dance, snore, breathe, and move.

You're perfect when you're reading,
staring at the stars, and playing outside.
You're perfect when you're confident,
and when you just want to run and hide.

You're perfect in any mood,
on any day at any time.
You're perfect when you're shy,
when you yell, cry, and whine.

You're perfect in any place.
You were perfect from the start.
You'll stay perfect until the very end.
You're always perfect in my heart.

Nothing you do could make you imperfect.
You'll always be perfect to me.
You don't need to change a single thing.
You is all you need to be.

So when you doubt your perfection,
play outside, look up to the stars.
Laugh, cry, read, be wise.
And remember how perfect you are.

June Foster Care Budget

Groceries (these are groceries I've purchased specifically for the kids- not myself, or family meals in general. These only account for additional purchases made solely for the children) :
Breakfast Cereal: $10
Oatmeal: $10
Cheese, Meat, and Crackers For Lunches: $20
Sandwich Supplies For Lunches: $20
Fruit and Veggies For Lunches: $20
Ice Pops: $20
Sunflower Seeds: $10
Smoothie-Supplies: $25
Chips and Candy: $10
TOTAL: $145

HYGIENE PRODUCTS
Shampoo/Conditioner: $10
TOTAL: $10

GAS/TRANSPORTATION
Court Meetings/ Family Visitations: $30
TOTAL: $30

SCHOOL SUPPLIES
-
TOTAL: $0

CLOTHING
-Socks: $15
-Water-proof Waiters: $25
TOTAL: $40

EXTRAS
Movies/ DVDs (including rentals): $20
Books: $15
Girl Scout Field Trip Fee: $150
Girl Scout Field Trip Spending Money: $25
Airfare For Family Trip: $3,500
Hotel For Family Trip: $650
TOTAL: $4,355

GRAND TOTAL: $4,580

NOTE: An important thing to keep in mind is that this 'budget' does not account for any extra groceries I buy for daily meals like dinner- which I would be cooking for myself anyways, I just make more now (which is probably another $200 to $250 total each month). It also doesn't cover any of the costs of bringing a new child into my home.

Another important thing to realize is that our 'travel costs' are within Alaska. Airfare is very expensive from here to anywhere. We went from our rural village to our state capital (Juneau) and the airfare was around $1,200 a person. Most people would not have this kind of expense, but I feel it's worth it to let me kids see new places- and just have some quality fun time. It was by far the biggest expense of the year so far, and will probably be our biggest expense this year.

May Foster Care Budget

Groceries (these are groceries I've purchased specifically for the kids- not myself, or family meals in general. These only account for additional purchases made solely for the children) :
Breakfast Cereal: $10
Oatmeal: $10
Cheese, Meat, and Crackers For Lunches: $20
Sandwich Supplies For Lunches: $20
Fruit and Veggies For Lunches: $20
Granola Bars: $15
Fruit Leather/ Organic Fruit Snacks: $25
Nuts: $15
Bulk Goldfish Crackers: $15
TOTAL: $150

HYGIENE PRODUCTS
None
TOTAL: $0

GAS/TRANSPORTATION
School/ Court Meetings/ Family Visitations: $60
TOTAL: $60

SCHOOL SUPPLIES
Donated 'Garden Seeds' for Class Project: $15
End-Of-The-Year Party Supplies (Cups/Plates): $10
TOTAL: $25

CLOTHING
Summer Shoes: $60
Life Jackets: $40
Swimming Suits: $35
Shorts: $15
TOTAL: $150

EXTRAS
Movies/ DVDs (including rentals): $15
Books: $15
Beach Towels: $20
May-Day Gift For Birth Mom and Grandma: $25
TOTAL: $75

GRAND TOTAL: $460

NOTE: An important thing to keep in mind is that this 'budget' does not account for any extra groceries I buy for daily meals like dinner- which I would be cooking for myself anyways, I just make more now (which is probably another $200 to $250 total each month). It also doesn't cover any of the costs of bringing a new child into my home.

Dawn's Story: The Fawn And The Crayon

I had had this particular foster child for about 4 months. She was struggling in school; acting up almost constantly. So when I walked into the school to pick her up one afternoon and saw a bright red crayon mark on the pure white hallway walls of the school- I pled that it was not my child. The mark began at the gym near the front doors. This was on the entire opposite side of the elementary school from her classroom. But, the crayon mark continued. Down the hallway. With each step I took my heart dropped- hoping desperately that it wouldn’t lead directly into the hand of my fawn.

And yet… the mark continued. And I continued walking, watching as the bright red line drew across every single wall, skipping over doorways, and scribbling consciously around posters as it went. And at the last turn, where I found my child’s classroom, at the very absolute opposite edge of the school- the mark ended. Heading directly into the room itself. And there, atop my child’s desk- sat a half used bright red crayon. My eyes darted up to her, sitting stout and proudly that SHE had just added such an artistic piece to the school’s interior décor.

Before I had a chance to question her one of the students yelled out, “Your kid drew with crayon all the way across the school!”

“I did!” she laughed back.

The teacher, clearly dismayed by the behavior and completely exhausted with my child’s endless shenanigans, looked to me for some kind of disciplining relief. I had had the longest day at work. I was exhausted, and mad, and the very last thing I wanted to deal with was a 100 yard crayon mark.

“Well, I guess we’re not going watching a movie tonight,” I said (cringing at the idea).

My child’s smile quickly faded. “Why not?” she asked, pleadingly.

“Because we need to spend the evening cleaning up a crayon mark,” I huffed. I, too, had been looking forward to movie night. After a long week of work, all I truly wanted to do was eat a ridiculous amount of popcorn and not think for an hour and thirty minutes. But, that particular day I was learning a hard lesson in parenting. Sometimes we have to sacrifice our own comfort to teach our children a lesson. And sometimes we have to take responsibility for an action that was entirely not ours- but rather the tiny being we are responsible for.

We did not go to the movies that night. And we did spend FOUR hours magic-erasing the entire length of the school to remove a very deeply engrained red crayon wax from the textured walls. It was not only my child that did the scrubbing; but me as well. By the end she’d learned that fixing her mistakes was not a fun task- and it’d have been much easier not to make that mistake in the first place. But she also learned that just because you make a mistake- does not mean it’s the end of the world; and there are people who love you, who will help you fix your problems if you need them to. And that was worth sacrificing my relaxing evening at the movies for.

April Foster Care Budget

Groceries (these are groceries I've purchased specifically for the kids- not myself, or family meals in general. These only account for additional purchases made solely for the children) :
Oatmeal: $15
Waffle-Making Supplies (flour, sugar, etc): $10
Syrup: $5
Cheese, Meat, and Crackers For School Lunches: $20
Sandwich Supplies For School Lunches: $20
Fruit and Veggies For School Lunches: $20
Apple Sauce: $15
Bulk Trail Mix Packs: $45
Bulk Banana Chips: $35
Easter Candy: $25
TOTAL: $210

HYGIENE PRODUCTS
Band-Aids: $5
TOTAL: $5

GAS/TRANSPORTATION
School/ Court Meetings/ Family Visitations: $60
TOTAL: $60

SCHOOL SUPPLIES
Notebook: $5
Erasers: $5
Crayons, Coloring Pencils: $5
TOTAL: $15

CLOTHING
New Rain Jackets: $40
New Rain Boots: $65
Short-Sleeve Shirts: $20
TOTAL: $125

EXTRAS
Movies/ DVDs (including rentals): $20
Books: $20
Easter Baskets: $10
Easter Basket Fillers: $40
Easter Eggs: $15
TOTAL: $105

GRAND TOTAL: $520

NOTE: An important thing to keep in mind is that this 'budget' does not account for any extra groceries I buy for daily meals like dinner- which I would be cooking for myself anyways, I just make more now (which is probably another $200 to $250 total each month). It also doesn't cover any of the costs of bringing a new child into my home.

Dawn’s Story: The Fawn That Purposely Wet Her Pants

I was surprised when I got a call that my 9 year old had wet her pants in the middle of a school day. At first I figured she may have been sick. And the worst sickening worry that came to my mind is that she’d somehow been triggered and had a moment of anxiety regarding her past sexual abuse. When I arrived at the school with a fresh change of clothes, though, she was smiling. She happily took them, hugged me, and thanked me for coming in. I asked her what had happened and she said the teacher said she couldn’t go to the bathroom- and she couldn’t hold it. Knowing this little fawn has a tendency to roam the hallways of the school when left unattended for bathroom breaks; I really couldn’t blame the teacher for his choice. As she changed I explained that she needed to behave better if she wanted to be trusted to go to the bathroom so she wouldn’t have accidents like this again. She happily agreed to try and be better and asked if I’d walk her back to the classroom. Of course I agreed and walked her back to her classroom and gave her a hug goodbye.

Two days later, I got a similar call. The almost identical process was repeated ending with me walking her to the classroom and giving her a hug goodbye. The next day- the same thing happened. It happened repeatedly for 3 more days until the counselor pulled me aside. We both knew we needed to talk. My little fawn was as happy as could be each time I came in. And it was almost as if she was peeing her pants on purpose…

The counselor had spent many years counseling this little fawn and had known her before I was even her foster mom. I was worried that he may tell me something awful- something regarding her past trauma or a need for an immediate doctor’s visit. He did neither. Instead he explained to me that from Kindergarten to 2^nd grade he had never once seen this little fawn’s mother come to school. She had the older sibling walk this fawn home. She never came to a school play, concert, or science show. She never came to a parent teacher conference. She seemed to have no motivation to be a part of this fawn’s school day. So when the fawn realized that I would come in, whenever she called, to cater to her any need- she got an immediate sense of validation that she had lacked in the past. Peeing her pants was one of the easiest and most assured ways to get me to come in to the school.

I was taking time off of work to bring her in clean clothes regularly. It was a 15 minute drive each way and it wasn’t something I could afford to do each day. Also, rewarding her … purposely unhygienic behavior was not healthy for anyone. But it did allow me to look deeper into the needs of my child. She desperately wanted me to be a part of her school day- and even noted that she really liked having a mom to show to her friends. As a compromise I came in 15 minutes early to pick her up, each school day. We would sit together when her class read a story. My fawn got her much needed ‘mom is caring about my schoolwork time’, and I got a lot less urine stained pants to clean.

Never assume that your child’s behavior is being done to inconvenience you. That is very VERY rarely the case. Often times what seems like a child misbehaving is actually a child trying to tell you something. ‘Children don’t act out- they reach out’. It’s your job to take a moment, breathe, and try to figure out what they’re reaching out for.

March Foster Care Budget

Groceries (these are groceries I've purchased specifically for the kids- not myself, or family meals in general. These only account for additional purchases made solely for the children) :
Breakfast Cereal: $10
Toaster Strudles: $10
Cheese, Meat, and Crackers For School Lunches: $20
Sandwich Supplies For School Lunches: $20
Fruit and Veggies For School Lunches: $20
Mini Organic Milk Boxes: $20
Flavored Milk Straws: $15
Popcorn: $10
Cuties Oranges: $15
TOTAL: $140

HYGIENE PRODUCTS
Hand Soap: $5
Toothpaste: $10
Lotion/ Aloe Vera for Dry Skin: $10
TOTAL: $25

GAS/TRANSPORTATION
School/ Court Meetings/ Family Visitations: $60
TOTAL: $60

SCHOOL SUPPLIES
Red Pens: $5
#2 Pencils: $5
Basketball Camp Fee: $45
Basketball Camp T-Shirt: $25
Basketball Camp Uniform: $30
Basketball Camp Spending Money: $15
TOTAL: $125

CLOTHING
1 Pair New Snowpants: $30
Basketball Shoes: $50
Hair Ties: $5
TOTAL: $85

EXTRAS
Movies/ DVDs (including rentals): $10
Books: $5
Fish Tank/ Decor/ and Fish: $125
TOTAL: $140

GRAND TOTAL: $575

NOTE: An important thing to keep in mind is that this 'budget' does not account for any extra groceries I buy for daily meals like dinner- which I would be cooking for myself anyways, I just make more now (which is probably another $200 to $250 total each month). It also doesn't cover any of the costs of bringing a new child into my home.

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